I Wish You Knew

Why He Can’t Say “I Love You” (Even If He Feels It)

This episode explores why some men struggle to say “I love you” even when they truly feel it. It is not always about a lack of love. 
It is often about emotional wiring, past experiences, and how they process vulnerability. By understanding these deeper reasons, you can navigate the silence with more clarity and compassion.
 Topics Covered: 👉 Emotional barriers that block verbal expressions of love👉 How upbringing and past relationships shape communication patterns👉 The role of attachment styles in expressing affection👉 Why actions sometimes speak louder than words for certain men👉 Healthy ways to navigate and respond when “I love you” is hard to say
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love '5 Harsh Truths About Marriage I Would Tell My Daughter. Watch here: https://youtu.be/lnZweecoi6k  
Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam 
Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist:
1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now.https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1

Modern Dating Is Exhausting For Women - Learn How To Finally Feel Loved

Quiet disorganized attachment can make modern women feel invisible—shutting down out of fear of being “too much,” even when all they want is to be seen and loved.
In this episode, Dawn Dubelbeis opens up about the impact of childhood trauma and how her attachment style shaped her adult relationships. Alongside Adam, they unpack the path of how to build connection from a place of safety, not survival.
Topics Covered 👉 How quiet disorganized attachment shows up in adult relationships👉 Why women with this attachment style often feel invisible or “too much”👉 The biological role of vasopressin and oxytocin in bonding👉 The shutdown response: why emotions go numb and conflict feels unsafe👉 The cost of not asking for help—and how to start👉 Using emotional check-ins and clarity to build connection👉 What secure men actually need from women (and why silence confuses them)👉 How to create an emotionally safe, sustainable relationship👉 Turning your nervous system from shutdown to connection👉 Making your life inhospitable to avoidant partners—and safe for the right ones
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love '5 Harsh Truths About Marriage I Would Tell My Daughter. Watch here: https://youtu.be/lnZweecoi6k  
Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam 
Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist:
1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now.https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1

The Attachment Style That’s Been Ignored for 80 Years

Attachment style plays a bigger role in your relationships than you think, especially when it’s the one no one talks about.
In this episode, Adam explore the long-ignored freeze attachment style, rooted in fearful-avoidant patterns. After surviving childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse, and three failed marriages, Corina shares how this attachment style shaped her life and how she’s learning to heal.
Topics Covered:👉 What the freeze attachment style looks like in real life👉 How fearful-avoidant attachment develops through trauma👉 Why some attachment styles cause emotional shutdown or mutism👉 How attachment style impacts communication and intimacy👉 Rebuilding relationships after narcissistic abuse👉 Parenting teens with different attachment needs👉 Tools for communicating with partners who shut down emotionally👉 Reframing your identity and rebuilding self-worth
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Why She Doesn’t Want You (Even If She Loves You) '. Watch here:  https://youtu.be/aUMUEbwcVuo
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/  Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow   Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod   Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod  Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI  Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809  
-------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg     Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith  Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.

What Makes an Avoidant Man Feel Safe Enough to Stay

What does it take for an Avoidant Man to finally feel safe enough to stay in love? 
In this episode, Kimmi returns to share his journey from emotional shutdown to engagement. Once known as “Kimmi the Avoidant,” he opens up about what helped him finally connect, feel secure, and build lasting love. 
Topics Covered: 👉 How avoidant attachment distorts emotional connection👉 Why emotional safety—not pressure—creates commitment👉 The surprising impact of oxytocin, magnesium, and sleep👉 How routines and rituals help avoidant men feel secure👉 The “emotional baby” stage and how to move through it👉 Avoidant men’s biggest fear: dying alone and unremembered👉 How to spot emotional bids and respond like a secure partner👉 The CEO analogy for leading your relationship well👉 How to continuously grow closer in long-term love
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Why She Doesn’t Want You (Even If She Loves You) '. Watch here:  https://youtu.be/aUMUEbwcVuo
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/  Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow   Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod   Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod  Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI  Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809  
-------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg     Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith  Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.

Why Avoidant Men Can’t Love You (Until This Happens)

Avoidant men aren’t emotionally distant by choice. Their detachment is often a survival response wired deep into the brain.
In this episode, Adam breaks down how avoidant men develop this style of relating, why avoidant men often carry it into adulthood, and most importantly how to help avoidant men heal for good.
Topics covered:👉 The brain science behind avoidant men and emotional shutdown👉 Why avoidant men experience burnout, disconnection, and chronic stress👉 The role of vasopressin bonding in helping avoidant men build trust👉 Why securely attached partners often trigger avoidant men👉 How avoidant men can rewire their brains through real world emotional experiences👉 The shame core driving avoidant men since childhood👉 Step by step strategies to help avoidant men build emotional safety👉 How avoidant men struggle with intimacy, relationships, and legacy👉 What partners of avoidant men need to understand👉 Tools, supplements, and lifestyle shifts that support healing for avoidant men
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Why She Doesn’t Want You (Even If She Loves You) '. Watch here:  https://youtu.be/aUMUEbwcVuo
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/  Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow   Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod   Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod  Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI  Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809  
-------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg     Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith  Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.

Her Unbelievable Plan to Make an Avoidant Man Say ‘I Do’!

In this episode, Andrey shares how he went from emotionally avoidant to fully committed in marriage. He breaks down the exact values, mindset shifts, and moments that made him stay. 
Adam and Andrey explore how real love forms not through perfection, but through shared vision and integrity. This is a blueprint for building lasting connection with an avoidant man.
Topics Covered:👉 What makes an avoidant man choose commitment👉 How to build lasting love with an avoidant man👉 The values that made her “the one”👉 Why a woman’s boundaries increase attraction👉 How she helped him cross the dopamine crash👉 What avoidant men secretly need to trust👉 The power of shared vision, timelines, and direction👉 Why self-abandonment ruins real connection
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Why She Doesn’t Want You (Even If She Loves You) '. Watch here:  https://youtu.be/aUMUEbwcVuo
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/  Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow   Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod   Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod  Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI  Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809  
-------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg     Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith  Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.

Why Do I Feel Unlovable No Matter How Hard I Try?

In this episode, guest Emily Humpert returns to explore what it means to build emotional intimacy while carrying avoidant or disorganized attachment wounds. 
Alongside host Adam Lane Smith, they unpack how emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and acceptance are the keys to real connection. If you've ever struggled to believe in love or feared that being truly seen would lead to rejection, this conversation offers insight, hope, and a practical path toward healing.
Topics Covered:👉 The emotional cost of perfectionism and fear of not being enough👉 How avoidant and quiet disorganized attachment styles affect relationships👉 Why self-affirmation often fails for people with attachment wounds👉 The difference between emotional safety and emotional intimacy👉 How emotional intimacy helps rewire the brain and calm the nervous system👉 Building trust through shared problem-solving and conflict resolution👉 Understanding the role of vasopressin in long-term emotional bonding👉 Recognizing freeze responses as survival strategies, not flaws👉 What emotionally safe leadership looks like in romantic partnerships👉 How to find people capable of emotional intimacy and deep connection
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Why She Doesn’t Want You (Even If She Loves You) '. Watch here:  https://youtu.be/aUMUEbwcVuo
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/  Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow   Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod   Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod  Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI  Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809  
-------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg     Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith  Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.
Visit: https://iwishyouknew.show/ to learn more about the podcast

Why She Doesn’t Want You (Even If She Loves You) | Adam Lane Smith | The Attachment Specialist

In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with Chad and Brittany to explore why love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.
Whether you’re in a struggling relationship or trying to understand your partner better, this conversation will challenge the way you see emotional safety, communication, and connection.
Topics Covered:👉 What led to the breakup: stress, avoidance, and nervous system overload👉 How attachment theory began to shift their mindset👉 Adam’s weekly check-in method for emotionally healthy relationships👉 The rule of not withholding known feelings or concerns👉 Why text communication helps anxious or overwhelmed partners👉 How to rebuild trust through consistent positive experiences👉 The COO/CEO model of emotional teamwork in relationships👉 What to do when you don’t know how to fix a problem👉 The importance of asking deeper, more vulnerable questions👉 Building a legacy of emotional safety for your kids and grandkids👉 Recognizing and reporting emotional unsafety as a core role in relationships
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'STOP Doing These 3 Things If You Want Him to Commit'. Watch here:  https://youtu.be/vjVI7qgb2G4 
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/  Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow   Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod   Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod  Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI  Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809  
-------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg     Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith  Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.
Visit: https://iwishyouknew.show/ to learn more about the podcast

STOP Doing These 3 Things If You Want Him to Commit | Margarita Nazarenko & Adam Lane Smith

In this conversation, Adam welcomes Margarita Nazarenko, a viral voice of tough love on relationships, for a deep, honest dialogue about anxious attachment, emotional patterns, and why so many women end up chasing emotionally unavailable men. Margarita offers clarity, accountability, and practical wisdom to break the cycle of toxic relationships and build something truly healthy.
Topics Covered:👉 Why women with anxious attachment chase emotionally unavailable men👉 The damage of mothering men and the false thrill of romantic pursuit👉 How childhood wounds and abandonment issues shape relationship patterns👉 The long term impact of emotionally absent fathers on children👉 How to stop repeating generational pain through conscious healing👉 Why secure, available men are often overlooked by anxious women👉 A practical inner child healing practice to rewire your attachment style👉 The difference between genuine connection and trauma bonds👉 How to protect your energy, value, and future as a woman👉 Why waiting to be chosen doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise
You deserve to be chosen, cherished, and safe, not constantly chasing love that won’t stay. If this episode resonated, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with someone who needs to hear this truth. More raw and transformative conversations coming soon.
Stay tuned for more expert insights and relationship advice in future episodes!If you enjoyed this episode, you will probably love our episode titled ‘Attachment Specialist Fixes an Avoidant Woman’  https://youtu.be/zSaZrRedRUc 
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/ Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod  Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809 
--------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
Margarita Nazarenko:
Website: https://www.margaritanazarenko.comIG: https://www.instagram.com/margarita.nazarenko?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==Youtube: https://youtube.com/@Margarita.Nazarenko?si=4FjXe2NpgP0fer21TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@margarita.nazarenko?_t=ZS-8vAmQU2w0b2&_r=1
--------------------------------------------------The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.
Visit: https://iwishyouknew.show/ to lean more about the podcast

Jessica Baum & Adam Lane Smith: Why Emotional Safety Is the Key to Real Love

In this powerful episode, attachment expert Jessica Baum joins Adam Lane Smith to unpack one of the most essential yet misunderstood pillars of a healthy relationship: emotional safety. Together, they explore why safety isn’t just a “nice to have” in love, but a biological and psychological necessity that shapes the way we connect, heal, and grow. Whether you’ve struggled with abandonment wounds, anxious or avoidant patterns, or felt unseen in your relationships, this conversation offers deep clarity and actionable insights.
Topics Covered:👉 Why many women unconsciously expect men to be a source of total safety and why that’s unsustainable👉 How emotional safety is built through connection, rupture, and repair👉 The impact of childhood attachment wounds and parental regulation on adult relationships👉 How men's fear of vulnerability leads them to suppress the very tools that create intimacy👉 Understanding neurosception and how the nervous system detects safety or threat👉 Why safety isn’t “doing” more but “being” more present with pain and fear👉 The unconscious tendency toward self-abandonment in order to maintain connection👉 Why women often mistake a need for emotional parenting with romantic expectations👉 The difference between selfless (fear driven) and selfful (grounded) caregiving
Emotional safety isn’t a destination. It’s a dynamic, living process between two people willing to show up, attune, and grow. If you're ready to understand your patterns and start healing from the inside out, this conversation is a must.Check out Jessica’s book for deeper insights and take Adam’s free attachment style quiz at adamlanesmith.com to begin building healthier connections today.
Stay tuned for more expert insights and relationship advice in future episodes!If you enjoyed this episode, you will probably love our episode titled ‘Attachment Specialist Fixes an Avoidant Woman’  https://youtu.be/zSaZrRedRUc 
Need more help with your attachment? Work with Adam: www.adamlanesmith.com 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Follow the “I Wish You Knew” Podcast:--------------------------------------------------Website:    https://iwishyouknew.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theiwishyouknewpodcast/ Tiktok:        https://www.tiktok.com/@iwishyouknewshow Snapchat:  https://www.snapchat.com/iwishyouknewpod  Twitter /X:  https://twitter.com/iwishyouknewpod Spotify:      https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ncc0MBgm04xTIQ5ByiCGI Apple:        https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-wish-you-knew/id1713427809 
--------------------------------------------------Follow Adam Lane Smith:--------------------------------------------------Website: https://adamlanesmith.com/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ Twitter /X: https://x.com/AdamLaneSmith Threads:   https://www.threads.net/@attachmentadam Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro 
---------- ----------------------------------------Jessica Baum:Website: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc/?hl=en
The next episode drops Thursday :)See you there.
Visit: https://iwishyouknew.show/ to lean more about the podcast
To Learn More About  @AttachmentAdam  
https://adamlanesmith.com/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgghttps://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/?hl=en