I Wish You Knew

She had 7000 comments on a single matchmaking post. Thirty of those people are now married. Six babies have been born. And it all started because she asked one question: what if I just tried to help?
Adam Lane Smith sits down with Emily and Daniel Hussem, co-founders of Sacred Spark, a Catholic dating app, to break down why finding a spouse has never been harder, what the collapse of friend and family networks has done to an entire generation of people who desperately want marriage, and what is actually working to bring good people together.
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In this episode you will learn: 1- How couples used to meet, and what replaced it 2- Why friends have stopped introducing each other, and what that costs 3- What thirty marriages from a single matchmaking post says about unmet demand 4- Why a dating app's business model works against the outcome its users want 5- The difference between being ready to date and wanting to be 6- Why so many faith communities make marriage sound like an endurance test 7- What the research actually says about married life, and where the stereotypes come from 8- A hundred years of family networks breaking down, traced decade by decade 9- What leading and being led looks like in a marriage where both people are secure 10- Why brotherhood and sisterhood take pressure off a marriage rather than competing with it 11- Red flags compared with personal triggers, and the only way to tell them apart 12- Why "I don't feel a spark" after four months is usually about something else
Emily Wilson Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc. Emily Wilson Hussem is an internationally recognized Catholic speaker and author who shares her faith both online and at events around the globe. Emily has written 7 books, including the #1 Christian bestseller Sincerely, Stoneheart: Unmask the Enemy's Lies, Find the Truth That Sets You Free. Daniel Hussem - Co-Founder SacredSpark, Inc. Daniel Hussem is a husband, father of three, and a passionate Catholic with over a decade of experience in marketing, product strategy, and technology from the tech-startup world. Daniel holds a Master's degree in Business & Economics from Tilburg University in the Netherlands.
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Links:https://www.youtube.com/@emwilss https://www.instagram.com/emwilss https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielhussem/?isSelfProfile=false 
 

Everyone said it could not work. Two avoidant people in the same relationship. Two people wired to pull back, protect themselves, and disappear the moment things get close. And then Carly and Mel proved everyone wrong.
Adam Lane Smith sits down with couple Carly Randall and Mel Shingleton, two self-proclaimed avoidants, for a live coaching session that answers the question everyone in the comments has been asking: can two avoidant people actually build something real together?
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Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social
In this episode you will learn:
1- Why two avoidant people create a specific kind of relationship dynamic that looks fine on the surface and quietly starves underneath 2- Why avoidant people are not afraid of commitment they are afraid of the cost of being truly known 3- What emotional permanence is and why avoidant people struggle to hold onto the relationship when the other person is not in the room 4- Why the avoidant nervous system spikes when intimacy grows instead of relaxing into it 5- What context is and why it is the single most important currency two avoidant people have with each other 6- Why quarterly relationship check ins work better for avoidant couples than constant emotional processing 7- What it actually looks like when two avoidant people start doing the work in real time 8- The one thing avoidant partners need to say to each other that most of them never say
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We have talked about masculinity and manhood on this show before. Today is the mature version of that conversation, going back to the oldest teachings we have.
In this episode, attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith sits down with His Eminence Metropolitan Jonah, retired primate of the Orthodox Church in America, rector of St. Herman's Church and Abbot of St. Demetrios Monastery, for a conversation about what forms a man. 
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In this episode you will learn:
1- Why so many young men have no working model of a man, and what that costs them2 - What it looks like for a father to nurture, and why the word gets mocked online3 - Why a father's role with a son and with a daughter cannot be filled by anyone else4- The distinction between servant leadership and authority that serves itself5 - Why male friendship has thinned out, and the Russian word for the friend who is your other self6- Why a marriage cannot carry every burden both people bring home7 - The third way between swallowing every feeling and collapsing into all of them8 - What asceticism actually asks of you, and why self-control is a threshold of maturity9 - The nous, the two aspects of the mind, and what the Western tradition left behind10 - Why responsibility without shame is the mature form of all of this
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Metropolitan Jonah was born James Paffhausen in Chicago to a German American Episcopalian family, and was raised in Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Diego. While studying at the University of California, he discovered the Russian Orthodox Church and was received into the faith in 1978 at age 19. After completing his BA in Anthropology at UC Santa Cruz, he attended St. Vladimir's Seminary, earning both a Master of Divinity and a Master of Theology in Dogmatics. He later worked in real estate finance and for the OCA Diocese of the West, and resumed doctoral studies in theology at Berkeley before traveling to Russia in 1993, where he became a novice at Valaam Monastery. Upon returning to the United States, he was ordained a hierodeacon and then a hieromonk in 1994, serving St. Mary Magdalene Mission in Merced, California, and helping to establish several new missions.

ADHD, attachment, trauma, anxiety, and stress can look surprisingly similar. So how do you know what you’re actually dealing with?
Adam Lane Smith sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Steven Storage to unpack what ADHD really looks like, how it affects relationships, what a proper assessment involves, and where medication, sleep, nutrition, movement, and behavioral work fit in.
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In this episode you will learn:
1 - Why overlapping symptoms make self-diagnosis unreliable, and what curiosity is actually good for2 - Why a diagnosis explains behavior without excusing it3 - How growing up with ADHD features can shape attachment, including through a parent with the same wiring4 - What the condition involves beyond attention: time blindness, impulse control, task initiation, and thought loops5 - Where the strengths sit, and what happens when hyperfocus lands somewhere other than the relationship6 - Why the quiet, high-achieving kid is often missed while the disruptive one is caught early7 - What a thorough assessment includes, and why medication is one tool rather than the whole plan8 - Practical systems: the five minute rule, the Eisenhower matrix, timed sprints, and breaking distant goals into visible wins9 - For parents: why yelling works in the moment and costs you later, and what connection over correction looks like10 - For partners: written lists over spoken ones, clear targets, shared activity, and time-limited conversations
Links: IG: https://www.instagram.com/drstevenstorage/ YT:  https://www.youtube.com/@dr_steven_storage/shorts 
Dr. Steven Storage is a doctor at the Amen Clinics in California. He is a diplomate of the Medical Board of California for Physicians and Surgeons and a diplomate in both Child/Adolescent and Adult Psychiatry for the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. He graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, magna cum laude with a degree in molecular and cell biology and earned his medical degree from the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine. 
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Trying harder to fix your marriage can leave you exhausted, resentful, and convinced you’re married to a man who doesn’t care. In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with The Surrendered Wife author Laura Doyle to challenge what happens when fear turns into control, why stepping back can give a capable husband room to step forward, and how desire, receptivity, gratitude, and respect can change the dynamic between husband and wife.
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In this episode you will learn:
1- Why overperforming in your marriage can leave you feeling like the only responsible adult2- What can happen when you stop automatically taking over and give your husband room to contribute3- Why “he doesn’t care” may not tell the whole story when your husband doesn’t know what would actually make you happy4- How the phrase “I would love…” communicates a desire without turning it into criticism or a demand5- Why receiving help, affection, gifts, and care can be difficult for women who are used to handling everything themselves6- How gratitude can change both the way you see your husband and the way the two of you respond to each other7- Why respect and a clean apology can restore connection faster than defending or explaining your criticism
You don’t have to carry every responsibility, anticipate every problem, and manage your husband into becoming the partner you want. Sometimes changing the marriage starts with making your desires clear, allowing him the opportunity to respond, receiving what he gives, and noticing what happens when you stop treating control as the only thing keeping your life together.
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Disembodiment rarely announces itself. It can look like fatigue, unexplained aches, trouble concentrating, or difficulty feeling close to the people around you. In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with embodiment expert Mark Walsh to unpack what happens when we stop listening to the body, and how rebuilding that connection can help you feel more present, connected, and human again.
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In this episode you will learn:
1- Why the body whispers, then sings, then screams, and what it costs you to keep turning the volume up over it2- What Mark calls the psychological apocalypse, and why the collapse may have already happened 3- The four connections modernity severed: to the body, to community, to nature, and to a higher power 4- Why treating yourself as a machine is the same habit that lets you treat everyone else as one5- What co-regulation actually is, and why it’s more than therapy6- Why chasing pleasure as a cure tends to land people somewhere worse7- Where to start: one embodied practice you can fall in love with, and how to pick the one that fits what you're missing
You don’t need to think your way back into connection. Sometimes the way back to yourself, other people, and the world around you starts with learning to inhabit your own body again.
Mark is an expert in embodied learning, emotional intelligence, and practical psychology. His work focuses on helping individuals and organizations improve their performance and well-being through the mind-body connection. He has a fascinating background, with extensive training in martial arts, mindfulness, and various psychological disciplines. Mark has also taught in over 50 countries, including working with the UN and humanitarian projects in war zones. 
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Mark Walsh: 🎥YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Theembodimentchannel📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/warkmalsh/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/embodimentunlimited 🌐 Website: https://embodimentunlimited.com/ 

Adam Lane Smith celebrates three years of the I Wish You Knew podcast by reading your wildest comments, answering your most pressing questions, and sharing what he has learned from three years of conversations with guests from every walk of life.
In this special episode Adam reflects on the shows that surprised him most, the moments that changed his thinking, and what he believes the future of men and women in relationships actually looks like. No guest. No script. Just Adam, your comments, and three years worth of things he wishes you knew.
Looking for more way to learn from Adam?
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👉 Watch my latest Masterclass replay to learn The Pattern Breaker Method and the secure repair skills that can help rebuild emotional safety, reduce defensiveness, and create meaningful change https://youtube.com/live/uF5WfsiBVyU 
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Most women use therapy as a metric for whether a man is ready for marriage. Most couples therapists are operating from a framework that was never designed with men in mind. And one licensed professional clinical counselor has seen enough that he is leaving the field entirely.
Adam Lane Smith sits down with Jeff Saint James, licensed professional clinical counselor and men's issues specialist, to break down what modern therapy is getting wrong about men, why couples therapy is failing husbands at an alarming rate, and what women need to understand about the men they love that nobody in the mental health field is telling them.
What you will learn in this video:1- Why therapy as a metric for a healthy man is one of the most misleading filters women are using today 2- Why the couples therapy field is operating from assumptions that actively harm men and what those assumptions are 3- Why paternity fraud is one of the most underreported and destructive forces in modern relationships 4- Why men in survival mode cannot express their needs and what happens to a relationship when that continues for years 5- What masculine leadership actually looks like and why it is not what most women were told to be afraid of 6- Why gratitude and respect do more for a marriage than almost any therapeutic intervention 7- Why men and women are suffering in the same relationships without either one being able to see what the other is carrying
If you love a man and want to understand what is actually happening inside him, this is the conversation that will change how you see him.
Jeff St. James is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), relationship strategist, and host of the Ask a Brotha podcast. Combining clinical expertise with candid cultural commentary, he helps people build emotionally safe, accountable relationships while tackling modern dating, emotional safety, and family dynamics.
👉 Reserve your spot for this FREE masterclass and learn the conversation and secure repair skills that help you lead change, even when your partner has given up. https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/masterclass-signup?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13
👉 Jeff St. James is a licensed clinical counselor in the process of leaving the therapy field because it keeps allying against the men it was supposed to help. If you want to understand what healthy masculine leadership actually looks like, the FREE Secure Circle is where that conversation keeps going. Join free: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13
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📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13
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You are genuinely loved. Your partner is loyal. And you still cannot breathe out and relax all the way. That is not a character flaw. It is a biochemical problem. And it has a biochemical answer.
Adam Lane Smith sits down with Dr. Sue Carter, the world's leading expert on oxytocin and vasopressin bonding, to break down exactly why some people cannot feel safe even when they are safe, what chronic fear does to the body over a lifetime, and what the science of love hormones actually tells us about how human beings bond, heal, and survive.
What you will learn in this video:
1- Why you can be genuinely loved on paper and still be physically unable to feel that safety and what is actually happening in the body when that occurs 2- Why oxytocin is an extraordinary molecule and a terrible drug and what that distinction means for every person buying oxytocin spray 3- Why stress is not inherently bad and why shared challenge is actually one of the most powerful bonding mechanisms available to couples 4- Why the body encodes negative experiences differently than positive ones and what that means for people trying to heal 5- Why fathers who help raise their children live measurably longer and what the research says about sociality and longevity 6- Why novelty and shared experience produce more bonding than sitting on a couch together ever will 7- Why love connection and oxytocin are nature's medicine and why you cannot buy them on the internet
If you have ever wondered why safety feels impossible to feel even when it surrounds you, this conversation will give you the science behind what is happening and what can actually change it.
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📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6
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Adam Lane Smith sits down with Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, psychiatrist, medical ethicist, and author of Making the Cut, to break down what modern psychiatry is getting catastrophically wrong, why the chemical imbalance model is not just incomplete but actively harmful, and what actually heals people when medications and therapy alone are not enough.
What you will learn in this video:
1- Why reducing mental illness to a chemical imbalance in the brain has produced a generation of people who believe they will never get better 2- Why psychiatrists are seeing numbers on a sheet instead of people and what the system that created that looks like from the inside 3- Why physical activity four times a week is as effective as antidepressants for mild to moderate depression and why nobody tells patients that 4- Why relationships are the single strongest predictor of outcomes even in the most severe mental illnesses including schizophrenia 5- Why people in third world countries with schizophrenia often do better than people in industrialized nations and what that reveals 6- Why modern life has become voluntary solitary confinement and why dopamine binges have replaced human connection 7- Why the loneliness epidemic cannot be solved by more therapists and what actually has to happen instead 8- What Dr. Kheriaty would change about American psychiatry if he had absolute power and control
If you have ever been handed a prescription and sent home and felt like something essential was being missed, this conversation will show you exactly what that something was.
👉  Start building secure attachment in the FREE Secure Circle. Get access to the community, foundational resources, support from others on the same journey, and weekly insights. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30
👉  Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for weekly masterclasses, skill demonstrations, and guided exercises that move you from learning into doing, plus my best courses, coach Q&As, and a private community. Join Secure Circle Plus today:  Join Secure Circle Plus today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30
💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30
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Aaron Kheriaty, MD, is a physician specializing in psychiatry and author of five books, including most recently, Making the Cut: How to Heal Modern Medicine (2025). He is a Fellow & Director of the Program in Bioethics, Technology, and Human Flourishing at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He also serves in consulting and advisory roles at the Brownstone Institute, the Zephyr Institute, the Paul Ramsey Institute, and the Simone Weil Center for Political Philosophy. 
https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD https://www.aaronkheriaty.com/