I Wish You Knew

Your Body Keeps Score When You Stop Feeling (The Attachment Style Nobody Talks About)

She schedules her crying every week. She hasn't processed a single painful experience in her entire life. And her body is keeping score.
Raina is a brand strategist, agency owner, mother of two, and one of the most high-functioning people you'll ever meet. She's also been running on pure survival mode since childhood; dissociating from every emotion that slowed her down and treating the people around her like objects she navigates around instead of humans she connects with.
In this episode, Adam breaks down how quiet disorganized attachment combined with autistic features creates a double-layered wall between someone and every person who's ever tried to love them. He explains why "understanding why someone hurt you" isn't the same as forgiving them; it's actually stripping them of their humanity. And he walks Raina through the exact moment her nervous system learned that love is just a setup for betrayal.
his conversation covers:
Why high-functioning women with chronic dissociation often develop autoimmune disorders by their mid-30s
The difference between short-term dissociation (useful) and lifelong dissociation (destructive)
How your brain processes trauma using left brain logic and right brain emotion; and why it gets stuck
What happens when you remove someone's agency by excusing everything they do
Kohlberg's morality scale and why you should only open up to the top 10%
The "resolve and repair" model for confronting people without rupturing the relationship
Why the people who confused you in your life were probably the ones who loved you most
How 40 collaborative conversations in 90 days can rewire your neural pathways
If you've ever been told you're "cold" when you're actually terrified; this one's for you.
📚 WORK WITH ME
🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat
💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/
📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/
📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/

Why Modern Parenting Is Creating a Mental Health Crisis (ft. Erica Komisar)

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Children are born neurologically and emotionally fragile. They're born feeling frightened and unsafe. And somewhere along the way, we decided that was someone else's problem to solve.
Erica Komisar joins Adam Lane Smith for a conversation about what we've lost: the understanding that the first three years of a child's life shape everything that comes after.
In this video: → Why 85% of your child's social-emotional brain develops before age three → The attachment foundation that determines mental health for life → How we told women that careers matter more than shaping the next generation → What chronic absence does to a child's nervous system (and why we're medicating the result) → The feminist message that backfired: "Women should be more like men" → Why 60% of mothers would stay home if they had financial and emotional support → The father's role: vasopressin, protection, play, and teaching risk → How fatherlessness connects to the behavioral crisis in young boys → The deathbed question: who will be holding your hand when you die? → Why sibling rivalry spikes when parents aren't present enough → The CEO/CFO model of marriage: equal value, different specialization → How wives can pull workaholic husbands back into the family
ABOUT ERICA KOMISAR: Erica Komisar is a psychoanalyst, parent guidance expert, and author of "Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters." Her new book on raising healthy children through divorce releases March 2026.
🔗 Erica's Website: komisar.com 🔗 Attachment Circles (Nonprofit): attachmentcircles.org 🔗 Instagram: @ericakommisar
📚 WORK WITH ME
🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?ut...
💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coa...
📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-...
📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter

How to Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men (ft. Danica Patrick)

She's won races most people can't finish. Built businesses. Commanded stages. But relationships? That's where the pattern kept breaking.
Danica Patrick joins Adam Lane Smith and Andrey Korikov for a raw conversation about why high-achieving women keep attracting emotionally unavailable men: and what actually has to change.
In this video: → The "quiet disorganized" attachment pattern most successful women don't know they have → Why making life easy for men destroys the bond you're trying to build → The four levels of safety men must provide: and where most fail → Adam's three-date method for filtering out avoidant men fast → How to stop erasing yourself in relationships → The CEO/COO model that lets you stay in your feminine at home → Why male discomfort is actually a good sign
📚 WORK WITH ME
🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?ut...
💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coa...
📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-...
📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup

Why Dating Is A Failed Concept

Why is dating broken? 
Why are young men flooding back to church? 
In this conversation, I sit down with Patrick Coffin: Catholic broadcaster, close-up magician, and host of The Patrick Coffin Show. We go deep on the real reasons relationships are falling apart: and it goes back further than you think.
We cover: → Why dating is a failed concept (and what humans actually need) → The 3 "divorces" that broke Western civilization → How your image of God shapes your attachment style → Why empaths and narcissists can't stop finding each other → The difference between emotional permanence and emotional impermanence → What the Traditional Latin Mass has to do with secure attachment → Why "spiritual but not religious" is code for "I don't want to be challenged" → The biochemistry of feeling loved (oxytocin, vasopressin, and cortisol) → How to repair after conflict: the skill most families lost 120 years agoPlus: Patrick performs a live magic trick that lands.
This is the intersection of faith, neuroscience, and attachment theory: the stuff that actually changes how you bond.
🔗 RESOURCES MENTIONED:Patrick Coffin's Podcast: https://patrickcoffin.media True North Community: https://patrickcoffin.media
📚 WORK WITH ME:🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat💬 1:1 COACHING Work directly with my team: https://adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/
🎙️ ABOUT THIS CHANNEL:I'm Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist. I've spent 16 years helping people understand how their brain learned to bond: and how to change it. I work with anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles to build secure relationships that actually last.Subscribe for weekly videos on attachment, relationships, and the psychology of connection.

Schedule Your Feelings. Here's Why.

Dr. Chris Lee opens with the truth most people avoid: men are dying from loneliness. 
In this conversation, Adam Lane Smith and Dr. Chris Lee break down the science of emotional regulation, why your amygdala hallucinates up to 340% more threats if you have insecure attachment, and why scheduling your feelings might be the most counterintuitive (and effective) thing you ever do.
About Dr. Chris Lee: Neuroscience researcher, consultant, father, homeschool parent. Lost his father to suicide at 22, had his daughter two weeks later. Built his career understanding why men suffer in silence and how to break the pattern.🔗 Instagram: @drchrislee 🔗 Website: drchrislee.com
About Adam Lane Smith: The Attachment Specialist. 17 years married. Six children (number six on the way). Helping one billion people become securely attached.🔗 RESOURCES:🫂 RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE April 23–26, 2026 | San Diego, California 3 days of real skill-building with people who understand exactly what you're going through. Apply here: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/
#mentalhealth #mensmentalhealth #suicide #loneliness #attachment #emotionalintelligence #stressmanagement #cortisol #relationships #healing

The Science of Why Men Cheat (And How to Stop)

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RELATIONSHIP MASTERY INTENSIVE 2026 April 23 to 26 | San Diego, California https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat
🔗 Attachment Assessment: Dr. Orion Taraban returns to break down what most relationship advice gets completely wrong.
We dive into the neurochemistry behind attraction and commitment: dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, cortisol; and why chasing "good feelings" is destroying modern relationships.
Adam reveals the Secure Loyalty Equation he and Andrey developed, explaining why purpose and shared challenges create bonds that last decades.
We cover: → Why "love bombing" actually works (and what that reveals) → The 58 to 63 day window for rewiring attachment patterns → What the prairie vole experiments teach us about human monogamy → Building a 1000 year family legacy vs. optimizing for immediate happiness → The spiritual case for non;attachment in relationships
🔗 Dr. Taraban's new book Starry Night: https://amzn.to/4sGcqOY
Find him: youtube.com/@OrionTaraban
About Adam Lane Smith: Attachment specialist. 17 years married. Author and coach helping one billion people become securely attached.🔗 Website: adamlanesmith.com🔗 Attachment Assessment: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/🔗 Attachment Repair Program: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/🔗 Retreat: https://adamlanesmith.com/retreat/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=retreat🔗 New Year's Sale: Uutm_source=youtube&utm_medium=nynybundle.adamlanesmith.com/nynm?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=nyny

Your Partner Can't Fix Your Loneliness

You're lonely.
Not because you're broken. Not because something's wrong with you.
Because you're trying to get all your connection from one person.
Krista Williams built her business with her best friend Lindsay. Stayed married for years. Got divorced. And discovered something that changed everything: her deepest sense of security didn't come from her husband. It came from her friendships.
66% of millennials feel lonely every single day. Not because they're alone: many have partners. They're lonely because they've made one person responsible for all their emotional needs.That's not a relationship. That's a hostage situation.
In this conversation, Adam Lane Smith and Krista Williams break down why friendships matter more than romantic relationships for emotional health, how to conduct a friendship audit, and what happens to your nervous system when you finally let other people in.
This is about building the foundation that makes romance possible.

She's Mothering Him (And He'll Leave Her For It)

She's giving him everything.
Reducing friction. Avoiding hard questions. Making him comfortable. 
Hoping he'll finally step up.
He won't.
Not because he's broken. Because you've told him everything is fine.
Kelsey Wonderlin coaches women out of the patterns that keep them stuck: attaching too fast, ignoring red flags, and failing to have the conversations that actually build relationships.
In this episode, Adam Lane Smith and Kelsey break down the three mistakes women make in dating: bonding before vetting, compatibility testing too late, and waiting for men to lead conversations they should be co-creating.
About Kelsey Wonderlin: Dating coach specializing in helping women attract emotionally available partners. Creator of the Magnetic Dating Lab and the weed-out question framework.🔗 Instagram: @kelseywonderlin 🔗 Free Masterclass: How to Attract Emotionally Available Men | https://coaching.kelseywonderlin.com/3-things-free-opt-in
About Adam Lane Smith: Attachment specialist. Author. 17 years married. Helping one billion people become securely attached.🔗 Website: adamlanesmith.com 🔗 Attachment Assessment: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/🔗 Attachment Repair Program: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/

The Single Most Important Decision a Man Will Make

What if choosing the right partner is the most important decision a man makes? Schafer explains how leadership, respect, and healthy dynamics create attraction, loyalty, and lasting partnership.
Topics Covered:
👉 Why choosing a wife is the most important decision in a man’s life👉 The hidden damage caused by “mothering” and nagging dynamics👉 How positive reinforcement builds loyalty and emotional safety👉 The Executive Partner model and how to challenge without conflict👉 Treating marriage like a team instead of a battleground👉 Why becoming a high-value man matters more than “finding” the right woman👉 How vision, legacy, and future generations motivate discipline👉 The biochemical bonding effects of solving problems together👉 A practical nervous system reset that strengthens connection during stress
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Dr. Orion Taraban: Why Modern Men Are Failing at Intimacy'. Watch here: https://youtu.be/rYdzdGReDqg
Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam 
Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist:
1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now.https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1
Adam Schafer:IG: https://www.instagram.com/mindpumpadam/Website: https://www.mindpumpmedia.com/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/ ⁨@MindPumpShow⁩  
#marriageadvice #relationshipgrowth #highvalueman

Why 50/50 Marriages Always Fail

Why do so many marriages fail even when both partners try to keep things 50/50? This episode breaks down why that model creates tension and what actually makes a marriage strong.
Topics Covered:👉 Why 50/50 marriages create resentment for both men and women👉 The difference between leading your wife vs. leading the marriage👉 Why most men want to lead but were never taught how in marriage👉 How responsibility—not feelings—is the foundation of masculine love👉 The CEO model of marriage and why it outperforms equality-based roles👉 How lack of leadership drains intimacy, connection, and desire in marriage👉 Why waiting for your partner to “do their part” weakens a marriage👉 How safety, trust, and attraction grow when a man takes ownership of the marriage
If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Dr. Orion Taraban: Why Modern Men Are Failing at Intimacy'. Watch here: https://youtu.be/rYdzdGReDqg
Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam 
Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist:
1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now.https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social 
Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/ I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1
Quentin Hafner:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/quentin_hafner/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/QuentinHafnerPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-quentin-hafner-podcast/id1507009007